Literature
Critique this fanfic opening
Tell me below if you'd keep reading, or if this sounds like total trash. I've just started, and I'm not enjoying writing it, so rip it apart until it's good. The fic is titled "From Dawn Til Dusk", I haven't posted it yet. Some would have said they were jealous of Dawn Star, better known as the Princess of the New Generation. Dawn Star would have said she was jealous of them. This was especially true today, the anniversary of her parent’s divorce. Tensions were usually high on this day. Judging by the shouting downstairs, today was no different. “Spike! Write back to Flash that he’s a--” Princess Twilight let out a few forbidden words as Dawn brushed her mane and made her way toward the stairs. “I don’t think I’m allowed to write that.” Spike replied nervously. He noticed Dawn before her mother did, and cleared his throat, gesturing with his tail. The tall purple alicorn spun her head around, her cheerful smile not hiding the look of rage quickly enough. She took a deep breath
![[OPEN COLLAB] Here comes trouble...](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/3f8918e0-2c01-40ef-8a9c-e25683c677b0/db78vvt-9157de5c-27a0-492e-9fb9-93b44efcbd50.png/v1/crop/w_184,h_184,x_42,y_0,scl_0.20956719817768/_open_collab__here_comes_trouble____by_inside_our_mind_db78vvt-92s-2x.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9NjY5IiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvM2Y4OTE4ZTAtMmMwMS00MGVmLThhOWMtZTI1NjgzYzY3N2IwXC9kYjc4dnZ0LTkxNTdkZTVjLTI3YTAtNDkyZS05ZmI5LTkzYjQ0ZWZjYmQ1MC5wbmciLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9MTI4MCJ9XV0sImF1ZCI6WyJ1cm46c2VydmljZTppbWFnZS5vcGVyYXRpb25zIl19.LDJFTh-lTneI_2RdkIefr62i5gagWXMT6m5jpnYi0No)
![[OPEN COLLAB] Here comes trouble...](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/3f8918e0-2c01-40ef-8a9c-e25683c677b0/db78vvt-9157de5c-27a0-492e-9fb9-93b44efcbd50.png/v1/crop/w_92,h_92,x_21,y_0,scl_0.10478359908884/_open_collab__here_comes_trouble____by_inside_our_mind_db78vvt-92s.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9NjY5IiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvM2Y4OTE4ZTAtMmMwMS00MGVmLThhOWMtZTI1NjgzYzY3N2IwXC9kYjc4dnZ0LTkxNTdkZTVjLTI3YTAtNDkyZS05ZmI5LTkzYjQ0ZWZjYmQ1MC5wbmciLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9MTI4MCJ9XV0sImF1ZCI6WyJ1cm46c2VydmljZTppbWFnZS5vcGVyYXRpb25zIl19.LDJFTh-lTneI_2RdkIefr62i5gagWXMT6m5jpnYi0No)
![[OPEN COLLAB] Don't flirt with the Lunar Captain](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/3f8918e0-2c01-40ef-8a9c-e25683c677b0/db6twzs-190bfddc-5778-4a98-8206-3afad14e117b.png/v1/crop/w_184,h_184,x_28,y_0,scl_0.16182937554969/_open_collab__don_t_flirt_with_the_lunar_captain_by_inside_our_mind_db6twzs-92s-2x.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9NTYyIiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvM2Y4OTE4ZTAtMmMwMS00MGVmLThhOWMtZTI1NjgzYzY3N2IwXC9kYjZ0d3pzLTE5MGJmZGRjLTU3NzgtNGE5OC04MjA2LTNhZmFkMTRlMTE3Yi5wbmciLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9OTAwIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmltYWdlLm9wZXJhdGlvbnMiXX0.1mKr_QJlIHt6KTbtpfU85c7pSBiLEkA9fhB3-Xh4ryI)
![[OPEN COLLAB] Don't flirt with the Lunar Captain](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/3f8918e0-2c01-40ef-8a9c-e25683c677b0/db6twzs-190bfddc-5778-4a98-8206-3afad14e117b.png/v1/crop/w_92,h_92,x_14,y_0,scl_0.080914687774846/_open_collab__don_t_flirt_with_the_lunar_captain_by_inside_our_mind_db6twzs-92s.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9NTYyIiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvM2Y4OTE4ZTAtMmMwMS00MGVmLThhOWMtZTI1NjgzYzY3N2IwXC9kYjZ0d3pzLTE5MGJmZGRjLTU3NzgtNGE5OC04MjA2LTNhZmFkMTRlMTE3Yi5wbmciLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9OTAwIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmltYWdlLm9wZXJhdGlvbnMiXX0.1mKr_QJlIHt6KTbtpfU85c7pSBiLEkA9fhB3-Xh4ryI)
